When You've Been Hurt by the Church Sample

Respond with forgiveness

"Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." Ephesians 4:32

The hardest part of healing from church hurt is choosing to forgive. Some people have the false notion you're permitting them to sin against you by forgiving a person. It is quite the opposite! Forgiveness is for you.

You may be saying, “But you don't know what they did to me!”

When speaking of forgiveness, we all think the number one thing is the gravity of the pain inflicted. The truth is it doesn't matter what they did to you. When we walk in true biblical forgiveness, we recognize we need this same grace. I once heard it like this, "Who are we to not extend forgiveness when our perfect Savior is willing to? Are we more righteous than Jesus?"

No, Jesus loved us, died for us, and allowed us to walk in freedom while we were still liars, cheaters, greedy, adulterers, and more! He saw fit to forgive us of our sins. He expects we would have the same response to one another.

Listen to what Jesus says to His disciples,

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother who sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not just seven times, but seventy-seven times! Matthew 18:22

In other words, there's no limit to how many times you can forgive another person! Again, forgiveness does not mean allowing the person to continue sinning against you. You can forgive and change the relationship. You can forgive and still leave the ministry. You can forgive and not be best friends with the individual. Some hurts are too extreme to try to maintain the relationship. Biblical forgiveness means to let go of the list of grievances you have against the other person and choose to move forward. If you find yourself constantly replaying what they did to you, awaiting an apology, carrying hatred, or cringing at the sight of them, it is likely you still need to forgive the other person.

Depending on how deep the pain is, it may take weeks or months to walk in forgiveness. We must remember true freedom from bitterness is a daily choice. It's not enough to say you forgive the other person; you must act on it. Here are a few ways you can start to walk in forgiveness.

Pray for them daily.

Write a letter to the other person or church stating that you forgive them (There is no obligation to share this with anyone. This can be personal between you and the Lord.)

Take a purposeful break from the specific church congregation to have a time of reflection with the Lord.

Ask the Lord to give you a new heart towards the church and those who hurt you.

If led, seek an opportunity to meet and give the relationship another try.

You can heal, even from the worst pain, with the help of the Lord. May we pray for a heart of complete surrender and forgiveness.

Deeper Discussion

1. Out of the suggestions, what is a tangible action you can take today toward forgiveness?
2. What encouragement would you give to a person in a similar scenario who needs to forgive?
3. Read Mark 11:25, Luke 6:37, Colossians 3:13. What does the Word say about the act of forgiveness? Why do you think it is important to the Lord?