Ghosts in My NurserySample

Marital Relationship Patterns

It is common knowledge that marital/partner relationships affect parenting and several studies support this fact. As you prepare for the arrival of your little one or navigate the early years of parenting, prioritize strengthening your marital relationship. Do you have a family history of divorce or grew up watching your parents or parental figures fight? It is important to address negative marital relationship patterns that can affect your child’s development or prevent a healthy parent-child relationship.

Why do most people who watched their parents fight constantly, watched their father get drunk and abuse their mother, and noticed their mother or father obsessively control the home repeat the same thing? Why do they repeat their history of trauma despite desiring something better? Often, it is because they were ignorant of dysfunctional family patterns or did not know how to address dysfunctional family patterns when they recognized them.

Consider this: Isaac treated his wife the same way his father, Abraham, had treated Sarah, Isaac's mother (Genesis 26:6-11; Genesis 20:2-18). In addition, polygamy and reproducing through handmaids were family patterns that affected the relationship between fathers ( e.g. Abraham and Jacob) and their children. Fathers had good relationships with the children of their favorite partners/wives. Please read Genesis 16:1-5; Genesis 21:9-11, Genesis 30:1-4, and consider studying family patterns in the Bible.

I believe one of reasons God hates divorce and instituted a monogamous marital relationship (Malachi 3:16; Genesis 2:24; Matthew 19:4-6) is due to the negative impacts dysfunctional marital/partner relationships can have on the parent-child relationship and child development.

It is not enough to say “I will never do that” or “I want something better for me and my children”? You must take steps to address dysfunctional family patterns. 

Once I recognized dysfunctional marital relationship patterns in my family, I started taking steps to break the cycle. Studying the Word daily, praying, and reading Christian books and YouVersion devotionals on marriage strengthens my marital relationship. I encourage you to do the same. 

Reflection: How did you feel when your parents were fighting? How did you feel when your mother or father was a control freak? or How did you feel when your parents divorced? Bring those feelings before God in prayer.

Prayer: Heavenly Father, thank you for my life and marriage. Your Word says you heal the broken-hearted, heal my heart in the name of Jesus. I plead the blood of Jesus upon my conscience and declare freedom from dysfunctional marital patterns. In the name of Jesus, I will not transfer trauma to my children. In the name of Jesus, I receive grace to forgive those who have wronged me and destroy the cycle of generational trauma. Thank you Father for answering my prayers.