God's Design For SexSample

SEX AND SINGLES

These days, many young men and women seem to be delaying marriage as long as possible. Some have decided that, for now, it’s more important to earn a degree, establish a career, and see the world than it is to “settle down” to the “dull routine of domestic life.” Others are writing marriage off altogether, concluding that the single life is freer, easier, and more exciting than matrimony.

There’s just one problem with these perspectives: most of these healthy young adults still have a strong sex drive and a deep desire to know what it’s like to become “one flesh” with another person.

The solution for many is to keep sex and marriage separate – that could be everything from “hooking up,” to casual date-night sex, to cohabitation. But all of these choices have one thing in common: they seek to satisfy the normal human sexual urge without tying it to marriage, parenting, family, or permanent commitment.

But no one who believes the Bible to be the Word of God and who seeks to follow Jesus Christ can easily ignore the importance of chastity or disregard Scripture’s link between sex and marriage.

The Bible does allow for another alternative, of course: a faithful, celibate life of complete sexual abstinence. But both Paul and Jesus indicate that celibacy is a rare gift. God grants this gift only to a few special individuals (Matthew 19:10-12; 1 Corinthians 7:7). For the rest of us, the challenge of living a completely asexual life is a difficult standard to achieve. That’s why marriage is such an important part of the divine plan for the average believer (1 Corinthians 7:2).

Some Christians may feel compelled to conclude that God is “calling them to the single life.” In some cases, they may be right. But it can be difficult and painful to find oneself caught between this conviction and the realities of a healthy sex drive. If you have to fight too hard to suppress your feelings, it’s easy to end up believing that God is cruel and capricious.

The scriptural solution may not be easily achievable, but it is about as plain and straightforward as it can be: those who are wrestling with sexual temptations and urges need to give a lot of serious and intentional thought to the option of marriage.

They need to set their faces like flint to live in a manner that runs counter to the assumptions of modern society and find ways of seeking out potential partners who share their convictions and subscribe to their worldview, whether that means joining a singles fellowship group at a local church or making use of online Christian dating services.

Most of all, they need to submit the matter to prayer and trust God to provide for all their needs. It’s a question of fixing your eyes on Christ and making up your mind to keep sexual fulfillment exclusively connected with marriage.

For more help, visit Focus on the Family’s website. You can also call the ministry’s Counseling Department for a free consultation at 855-771-HELP (4357).