Marriage MattersSample

Celebrate the Difference

“He created them male and female and blessed them.” (Gen 5:2) This scripture doesn’t say that He created them as simply “people” but as male and female. Why did God create two sexes? Because they are different and need each other’s difference! Besides the obvious anatomical differences, there are an array of compelling differences that strengthen the partnership of the marriage bond between a man and a woman. Understanding, celebrating, and even appreciating these differences can enhance our marriages. Man and woman are not created equal. They are both created uniquely, perfectly, and functionally different. Viva la difference!

Why are gender roles so important in marriage? For one, God designed marriage, and when people do not follow His design, marriage is destined for design problems. It is important for us to know and follow His design, even when it is countercultural or contrary to what we are accustomed to. In the creation story, God first made Adam and then fashioned Eve as his helper. Genesis 2:18 says, “The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a help suitable for him.” Suitable for him! From the very beginning, we can see that God is a God of order even as indicated by the order of creation. His original intention was for the husband to lead the marriage, with the “suitable helper” in his wife.

There are always exceptions to the rule, but research points to a fundamental difference between the sexes: Men focus on achievement and women focus on relationships. This over-simplified glance compliments the thought that women, generally speaking, want love and men, generally speaking, want respect. As women need to be heard, known, cherished, and loved, men need to be admired and respected. Wise couples find ways to accommodate one another’s needs regardless of their opinion of the validity of that need. Romans 12:10 suggests that we are to be devoted to and delight in honoring one another. This is a choice as well as a powerful concept!

None of us function or thrive in the “cage of expectations.” That is one sure way to clearly destroy the joy of marriage. However, we all share one thing in common. Husbands and wives both depend on communication to keep their relationship healthy. It is the lifeblood of every successful marriage. Couples who can’t communicate well by speaking clearly and listening carefully, soon fall apart. It is a major key to bridging the gender gap. Carefully listening to your partner not only shines a light on gender differences but is the quickest path to engender more intimacy. Communicate and then give each other the grace to grow.

The gender differences, if heeded and accounted for, can become an area for developing greater understanding and intimacy in your marriage. However, ignoring gender differences will likely leave your marriage on the brink of disaster. You are not competing with your spouse, but you are completing the design and needs of your marriage.

Ponder:

How aware am I of gender differences in my marriage? What can I do to understand and celebrate our God-given design and differences?

Prayer:

Lord, I recognize that You created males and females differently. Help me to wrap My arms around Your purposes and plans for such in my marriage.